Heading to Groovin’ The Moo?
Thou shalt know thy DO’s and DON’TS before venturing to Maitland.
NOTE: This list was first posted in 2013 but has been updated for 2019.
1. Thou shalt know thy festival fashion
Know it, and show it.
2. Thou shalt not wait until sundown to make an appearance
Hey, you paid good hard-earned cashola for that ticket so you best make the most of it – ESPECIALLY when there are some sweet acts pulling the lunchtime shift.
3. Thou shalt know thy timetable
If you only do one bit of pre-festival prep, make sure it’s mapping out who you want to see and when. Though we’re not entirely against throwing caution to the wind, closing your eyes, spinning round in a circle, and wandering aimlessly off into the sunset – sometimes this is the best way to discover new acts.
4. Thou shalt not forget thy alcohol does not hydrate
Sure, alcohol and water are both liquids, and sometimes it’s easy to get confused. And without the red hot Summer sun beaming down on you, it’s easy to forget about our good friend water. There you are, subduing your thirst with an ice-cold beer/cider/vodka and all of a sudden it’s been 10 hours since you had a drop of water, and you’re on the slippery slope to Hangover Town. C’mo,n people, make a few water pit stops. Your future self will thank you. They might even buy you breakfast.
5. Thou shalt not disregard personal space
Muscle-proud men take heed – Nobody wants your sweaty shirtless bod pressed all up against them. NOBODY. And on that note, anyone who feels the impulse to ditch shirt and feel the wind through their chest hair… You are bad, and you should feel bad.
6. Thou shalt dress in weather-appropriate attire
Look, I know midriff tops and shorts disguised as underwear are just so farrrshion right now, but girl, pls. Remember, Winter is coming. Remember, you are in an open field, unprotected from the fickle elements. Now, I understand the urge to midriff is sometimes just too strong, and in this case, bring a goddamn jacket. Shivering in the mud like a nervous Chihuahua is not, and will never be, a good look.
7. Thou shalt always treat thy port-a-loo with respect (a.k.a Love thy neighbour)
You’ll never be the first, and you surely won’t be the last. For the good of your fellow festival-goers, don’t be gross.
8. Thou shalt honour thy local crop
There are a bunch of great local bands playing both the headline stages and the tent. Show em some love by turning up and pulling some shapes on the D floor.
9. Thou shalt not look down thy nose at the children
You’re gonna see some crazy shit but please remember, those of us who are old enough to know better were young once too. They’re just kids having some music festival fun.
10. Thou shalt not be one of those wankers who push people over
We get it, a crowd of people moves slowly. We know because we’re all in the same situation. Don’t risk your life or someone else’s life by being that wanker that pushes the people in front of you to “speed things up”.
Oh, and can we stop it with the “Hey, Baby – oooh aaah” chant at the end of the last set?
Preach.
