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So…I found a second-hand coffin for sale

I have a confession. I am a Facebook Marketplace/Gumtree fanatic.

I love it. Most of the time I’m not looking for anything specific (although at the moment I am in the market for bookshelves so if you’re reading this and you have some please let me know) but the majority of the time I am just quite frankly having a browse.

But I think the other day I hit peak Facebook Marketplace when I saw a second-hand coffin for sale.

Yep, that’s right, a second-hand coffin. The disclaimer was of course that it was used as a prop and hadn’t actually been used per se but I just don’t know about that.

What does someone buy a coffin for? Other than to meet their maker and furnish their final resting place with their decaying body.

Also, where does one buy a coffin (other than the Facebook marketplace of course)? Have there been any instances where the coffin was bought and suddenly not needed?

Did the person think they were going to die and then the fates changed their mind at the last minute? Did the person who was using the coffin come back as a ghost and decide that they really should have done with the red velvet interior and convince their family members to have their body exhumed?

See… so many questions.

Even if it was, in fact, a prop, what would one need a prop coffin for? Where does one keep a prop coffin? Should I buy this prop coffin and test out all the uses I can come up with for the prop coffin?

Also, as with everything on Facebook Marketplace, what are the dimensions, is it adjustable, will it match my cold dead eyes after I kick the bucket?

Was the whole thing just an elaborate troll for people like me who make it their mission to stalk the deep dark corners of the online buy swap and sell world?

A part of me thinks it is but the LOL at the end of the post makes me think otherwise. That I really do think that this person selling the second-hand coffin, really was selling the second-hand coffin.

Is this person actually Dracula and had perhaps outgrown their coffin in recent years and have decided to upgrade? Do vampires sleep in coffins anymore? Is that hip? Or do they all just play piano and brood over pale and boring humans? As you can see I have so many questions.

I am definitely confused about the coffin, but thankfully not sad about it. What I am sad about though is the fact that I think I hit peak Marketplace stalking and now I have no way of filling my time? Suggestions welcome.

Written by Laura Kebby

I write words about talented people doing talented things, and translate chatter by putting pen to paper.

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