Based on the novel of the same name, 365 Days (365 dni) is being touted as “the movie everyone’s talking about’”
Except nobody is talking about it.
Well not anybody I know, and I cast my social media net far and wide. So how do I know about it? Google knows I like movies and shows me these things. And I have alerts set up. That doesn’t even count.
But let’s get back to the #1 movie on Netflix this week. I can’t believe I’m even typing those words. Is lockdown over yet?
The movie goes something like this:
Massimo (Morrone) is a member of a Sicilian Mafia family and Laura (Sieklucka) is a feisty sales director. On a holiday to Sicily, trying to save her relationship with the world’s biggest man-child Martin (Lasowski), Massimo drugs and kidnaps Laura.
He takes her hostage and, while promising to not touch her unless she asks, he tells her the reason she’s been kidnapped is he wants to give her 365 days to fall in love with him.
No, I’m not making shit up and if you need to re-read, I’ll wait. No doubt you’ve already noted a few troubling things. Well, you’re not alone.
Should I watch it?
To be fair, we’re now almost three months into lockdown so I’m guessing some people will watch literally anything new.
Especially if it promises some hot ‘n’ sweaty sex.
However, the basis of this movie is extremely worrying. A powerful man drugs and kidnaps a beautiful woman simply because he wants her, and because he can. He holds her captive until she falls in love with him. The official diagnosis for this thinking is Stockholm Syndrome.
But he’s not going to have sex with her unless she asks.
What a guy!
It’s the whole powerful man drugs and kidnaps woman thing that is most concerning. No amount of hot male lead and hyper-realistic sex should take away from the fact this plot, especially in 2020, is deeply, deeply troubling.
By the way, the sex isn’t that hot.
Truly it’s not.
So, if you’re thinking of putting all your plot concerns aside and taking a peek just for the sex, you’re wasting your time. Go jump on PornHub or something. I could easily list five movies that offer way more enticing sex scenes than this rubbish.
The acting is ordinary, the production budget must’ve been limited, and the writing is horrendous. Throw in three pointless shopping montages, a jarringly jaunty soundtrack and the gun toting ‘thugs’ who look as menacing as a few of the dads from your kid’s preschool, and you’ve got a bit pile of nothingness on the screen.
Apart from icky plots, the dialogue loses much in translation. Unless of course you’re well versed in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, think a grown man calling a grown woman ‘little girl’ is sexy or you use the phrase ‘a sack of potatoes’ as part of your day to day speech.
Give this one a miss. You’re not missing out on anything at all. The lead actor is hot but go perve at him on Instagram if you must. Just give this movie the big Netflix thumbs down.
0.1 star (because someone actually gave them money to get this made into a movie)
Running Time: 116 minutes
Release Date: Currently streaming on Netflix
Cast: Michele Morrone, Anna Maria Sieklucka, Bronislaw Wroclawski, Magdalena Lamparska, Mateusz Lasowski