How to Befriend Your Waitress

More often than not as customers, we can find ourselves dealing with inferior service and impolite staff, and by gosh, we’re a bit sick of it. With countless years of hospitality experience behind me, I feel it is my duty to educate those of you who wine and dine in the art of befriending your waitress and greatly improving your hospitality experience.

Tip 1. Sit Wherever You Like


This really is the golden rule. Concerned about the ‘Wait to be Seated’ signs? Don’t be! They’re only there because the café management loves wasting paper. It’s also very important to make sure that when you do find your perfect seat, that you choose a dirty table. If you notice that your waitress is ignoring you, it’s common practice to wave them down and make it known that you’ve been waiting for five minutes to be served.

Tip 2. Café’s Love Kids


Why pay for day care when you can bring your bundles of joy out in public with you? I know for a fact that waitresses love small children, particularly when they’re tipping sugar packets all over the table. Now we all know how expensive kid’s meals can be at cafes, so my hot tip is to make sure that you bring your own yoghurt satchels and snack packs. Don’t be too concerned about any mess or rubbish that your child accumulates, because that’s what those waitresses are there for, to clean up after your kids! Relax and unwind yummy mummies, this is YOUR brunch.

Tip 3. Bookings Aren’t Always Essential


We’ve all seen the signs, but did you know that making a booking is not always necessary; there are definitely exceptions to ‘the rule’. Great examples of these exceptions include large family birthdays, your mums’n’bubs group, and let’s not forget the weekly bridge club catch up. It’s basically common courtesy to arrive in your large group without notifying your chosen café in advance. And because I know you were wondering, it’s totally fine if you want to hang around for two hours on a Saturday morning, but only if you haven’t seen each other in ages.

If you really want to reserve your table, spare a thought for your waitress and make sure you call during peak hours.

Tip 4. Take Your Time


Now this rule applies to a number of situations, so make sure you pay attention! If you’re out catching up with the gal pals, gasbagging and ‘I haven’t even looked yet’ are great excuses to use when your waitress questions you on your order. Don’t let your server pressure you into ordering, this is your time; take as long as you need to decide whether you should have that coffee on decaf or just 1/8 strength, possibly on soy. One of the best situations that you can ignore your waitress in, has got to be when they’re carrying hot plates. If you’ve forgotten what you’ve ordered, then it’s protocol to just pretend that your waitress isn’t there; it really is no skin off their back (or hands).

Tip 5. Caring About the Environment is Silly


We all love a piping hot coffee, so why not ask your waitress to put your cup-o-chino into a disposable cup for you? There really is nothing that compares to that feeling of drinking out of plastic and contributing to Australia’s excessive waste problems. Keep cup-schmeep cup, am I right! Did your waitress not get you a straw for your sparkling mineral water? How rude! Be sure to challenge her on the necessity of straws and give yourself extra points if you can completely ignore how terrible they are for the environment.

Now that you’re armed with all of this new found knowledge, it’s time to get out there and really brighten a hospitality worker’s day.

Happy brunching babe!

Author: Bree Smith

Bree is a Newcastle import who survives off British television and hummus. She spends the majority of her time chasing bands up and down the east coast or lost in a wormhole of related artists on Spotify.

Written by Bree Smith

Bree is a Newcastle import who survives off British television and hummus. She spends the majority of her time chasing bands up and down the east coast and one day hopes to impress people by being able to play more than one song on guitar.

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