How to ask your mate to leave the band

You’ve been jamming with your band for a few years, working on a bunch of original tunes and then your mate, the lead guitarist, gets a love life and hasn’t got time for the band anymore. It’s a common occurrence, but how do you deal with it? How do you ask your mate to leave the band?

This very situation was detailed in a post to the entertainment, social networking and news website reddit yesterday and many musos dropped a comment to give advice about the difficult situation. In the post Jacobotaylor said;

“So we have been playing together as a band for about 2 years now. We started recording demos and getting pretty tight as a band. Then about 3 months ago our other guitarist got a new girlfiriend. She has become pretty much all he thinks about and practically controls him. We’ve been best friends for 6 years and now about 75% of the time he won’t give me the time of day. He doesn’t want to practice hardly ever. And if we schedule a practice then half the time he says the day before or even a couple of hours before that he can’t practice because he is going to hang out with her. I don’t understand why he’s like this because everyone else in the band has a love life and can practice and be a part of the band. I’m really thinking about asking him to leave the band. Any advice would be appreciated.”

So we’ve put together a list of the most helpful bits of advice given to Jacobotaylor in the hope it helps any local Musos facing the same problem.

TomasTTEngin says:

Ask questions don’t make ultimatums. e.g “do you think you’re as committed to the band as you were?” “why?”, not “change or you’re out!” Don’t say: you are shit / you are flakey. say: your recent behaviour makes me feel disappointed.. Make it about you, not about accusations. You have to act. But don’t just blast him. This is a major turning point in your life – You could fuck up your band and lose your best friend, or save them both.

Toledojoe says:

Get rid of him and Yoko.

digitalse4 says:

I’ve experienced this phenomenon numerous times, not just in bands. It’s a natural part of life, and honestly, you need to lay it out for him to decide. If he’s not willing to commit to a commitment, what’s the point in continuing on with him? Many musicians have had moved on from their projects in search for love, life or other various reasons, and although it sucks, it’s just part of the big picture.

UN10N says:

honestly buddy. There are two types of Musicians people who truly want it and guys who want chicks. You have yourself a text book case of a guy who wants chicks. Do yourself a favor and get rid of him. He’ll only hold you back

lookaboveyou says:
take the responsibility off your shoulders and hold a vote after addressing it to him, if he wakes up give him one more chance. I had a band eventually break up after we procrastinated with kicking a guitarist out for months

bEarLoNgKin says:
Don’t start a band with your friends

1day2 says:
Are you the band leader? If so fire his ass and hire another guitarist. If you have to sit down and discuss it with the other band members quit the band and become a band leader. The band is not going to make it as a “band democracy”. I gave my son this advice when there was a riff in the band he was in, (his brother and a long time friend was in the band at the time) hire your musicians, be the owner of the band, control it. He took my advice and after the dust settled he hired some band members and started touring, to this day he’s making damn good money, 6 figures some years. 16 years later, he’s 36 now and married, and still tours.

What sort of advice would you give someone in this situation? How do you ask your mate to leave the band? Let us know in the comments.

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