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OFF YA BIKE! Top five ways to get to work now cycling is banned on Scott Street

The powers that be have had yet another stroke of genius this week and have decided to ban cycling along Scott Street.

Now I can understand that to some, nay most, this might not be a big deal. But, if you’re someone who lives in and around the CBD and cares about the environment/hates parking inspectors with a passion, you kind of do care.

Actually, Novocastrians as a whole will most definitely care because we all hate being told what to do and when and how (and where) to do it. Since the whole thing is a complete joke – the banning of the bikes and the lack of bike paths to begin with here are top five completely useless ways to get to work now that cycling is banned.

Apparate

For those over the age of 17 only of course.

All Harry Potter fans can attest that this is in fact, the fastest way to get to and from just about anywhere. For those who have mastered the art would perhaps even go as far as to laugh in the face of any muggle-loving human contemplating something as mundane as riding a bike. 

Hand-stand walk

Since I’m sure that hand-standing is acceptable on the footpath right? Although maybe next time we talk about something which has been banned in the CBD, maybe anything but placing one foot in front of the other is the next thing to go. So now is your time folks, what a joy to showcase your talents. 

Hoverboard

Like the ones in Back to the Future 2? Or was it 3 I can never remember.

Anyway, what a dream to be able to live out our fantasies now that biking is banned. If it’s good enough for Marty McFly it’s good enough for us… right?

Flash Mob

Yeah, you read the heading right. Why not flash mob your way to happiness, or work, and get cracking?

Get some m8s together and dance your booty off. If you get enough people, maybe you’ll be bigger than the tram, hell bigger than Supercars. #winning.

Pogo-sticking

Hop to it kids and bounce right in. It’s great for your health, and great for the environment, and it’s also a sight to see, especially if you can manage to get more than one human pogo-sticking with you. 

What a time to be alive. 

Written by Laura Kebby

I write words about talented people doing talented things, and translate chatter by putting pen to paper.

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