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DO NOT PASS GO: How to make your family hate you

So the holiday period has ended, and if your family is anything like mine, the Monopoly board probably got dusted off, which most likely ended with some hurt feelings, maybe a temper tantrum, or your cocky little brother sitting back with a smug look on his face, after declaring you now you owe him $2000 for the night you’re about to stay in his luxury Mayfair hotel.

Well, I am here today to share my TOP SECRET Monopoly strategy, so you can slowly torture the rest of your family, and ensure that Monopoly will never be played in your household again.

Now even with this secret knowledge, the bottom line is Monopoly is all about luck, and your first trips around the board normally determine how the game will play out.

The only thing you have control over is the negotiation, and depending on how willing your competition is to make a deal will determine the outcome of most games. But hopefully, this strategy will assist you in bending the luck in your favour, then putting those “beloved” family members in a position that is impossible to get out of.

Step one: The rule book

This is essential, you need to lord over these rules like they are the bible themself.

“House Rules” such as receiving money when you land on free parking, going once around the board before you can purchase, or negotiations to get out of rent, all hurt the game and in particular this strategy, so set the precedent at the start of the game.

Step two: Secure two Monopolies

Preferably on light blue & purple – although, any Monopoly with a set of three will do and luck will determine what you end up with. But working towards these two will make the following step easier, as it costs less to develop houses on.

In addition to this, when trading with your naive and soon-to-be helpless family, they will see these properties as lesser value to the Picadilly or Oxford Street you are offering them… Fools.

Step Three: Develop Houses

Now things get exciting as your plan is coming together beautifully.

Start working toward four houses on each property, and get there first. Nothing else matters. You’ve got them right where you want them, and they don’t even know it. But whatever you do NEVER buy a hotel. You want to keep those little green pieces on the board and out of the bank supply.

Step Four: Orchestrate housing shortage

***Evil Laugh***

A little secret, that not too many people know in Monopoly, is that the houses are limited (32 houses and 12 hotels).

If you manage to own just three houses on each property that’s 56% of the supply, four on each property then takes you to 75%, and more importantly, it is now impossible for any of your enemies… I mean beloved family members… to ever get in a position to win.

They are now sitting back, frustrated their Oxford St will never earn a return over $130 while you are sitting back, flat out refusing to take a hotel and return the valuable green houses of gold to the bank.

This is where that rule book becomes essential, in particular this one rule, that you will no doubt have to read loud and proud to the peasants who now serve you.

This lovely family event has now has turned the game into a scene from Game of Thrones, as you slowly bleed and torture your loved ones to a slow death, or alternatively, a temper fueled outrage, ceasing the game immediately… which also means you win, and rightfully secured your right to gloat loudly and proudly around the house for the rest of your holidays.


Disclaimer: Newcastle Live is not responsible for any physical and emotional damages that may result from Monopoly games.