A few weeks ago we spoke to Paul McDermott & Tim Ferguson from the Doug Anthony All-Stars (DAAS) about their forthcoming appearance in Newcastle. Things did not go well and we lost a large chunk of the audio we recorded.
Yesterday we received a delivery of a rather large brown paper bag. Inside, a transcript from the lost part of our recording which you can find below.
The Doug Anthony All-Stars play Newcastle’s Civic Theatre this weekend on Saturday May 9.
A lot of people say it’s amazing you guys are still going.
TIM: To their testicles?
PAUL: Please, Ferguson, don’t go tawdry.
TIM: But where else can I go? I don’t follow politics or fashion.
Some say it’s amazing to the Doug Anthony All-Stars.
PAUL: You tell me who they are. I will not be judged by faceless accusers.
But they mean well.
PAUL: Just tell me their names.
I mean people wonder how you can still do it. The touring, the artworks, the performance instillations. Doesn’t it wear you down?
PAUL: Always. It’s always been a trial. A sickening dance of chest-slapping despair. A pop-up Book Of The Dead. BDSM with hand puppets.
TIM: “Punch & More Punch”.
But you’re older now.
TIM: We were always old men. When we started in the 70’s, our anger was already beyond grumpy-ol-men stage. When TV-remotes took off, I already hated them. I hid remotes just so others could share in my fury. Take that, Modernity.
PAUL: To think I blamed the remotes…
TIM: We had a beef against the world.
PAUL: Now we have a pork against the world.
TIM: Seriously. Raw pork is quite dangerous to a delicate stomach.
PAUL: Don’t be tawdry.
TIM: We’re still old after all these years.
So why do you do it?
TIM: Unfinished work. The audience still needs the shock treatment of Truth. Though, the truths have become murky and our original audience can’t hear them so well. The younger audience hears the Truth but think it’s a joke.
PAUL: They’ll learn.
You once said to the New Yorker that DAAS tours involved sex, drugs and Benny Hill music. And now?
PAUL: Now the sex is mechanical.
TIM: The drugs are pharmaceutical.
PAUL: And the Benny Hill music is played on a harpsichord. But it still has the familiar ring of snide desperation and crude loathing our followers enjoy. Bastards.
How has the DAAS dynamic changed since 1995?
PAUL: The inclusion of Paul “Flacco” Livingston has had a profound effect.
TIM: He doesn’t speak to us, or rehearse with us. He arrives at the theatre, tunes up, brushes his last hair. Then “Flacco” gives the audience some wisdom.
PAUL: Once the mess is cleaned, Tim and I start the show proper.
TIM: Next thing we know, Mr Livingston walks onto the stage and begins playing – immaculately. Or… not.
PAUL: He is, in every sense, an enigma to us.
But why is he so stand-offish?
PAUL: It’s possible he doesn’t hold us in the highest regard.
Or maybe he does?
PAUL: Listen, you can stop with the questions about Mr Livingston. How he operates is nobody’s business. Especially not ours.
But…
PAUL: Shut it, you trumped up Charlestown hipster barista ‘my other beard is a Bumfluff’ quinoa-muncher.
It’s pronounced ‘quinoa’.
PAUL: That’s what I said. ‘Quinoa’.
No, that’s not quite right.
PAUL: Quinoa, quinoa, quinoa, quinoa, quinoa.
Sorry, but it’s ‘quinoa’.
PAUL: What’s your name? Just tell me your name.
Why do you think your shows are selling out around the world?
TIM: You ask a lot of questions for a journalist.
I’m only trying to help.
TIM: That’s what Satan said. And now look at him. Ruined, brand-wise. He used to be popular. Now he’s… he’s… People talk about him like he’s a bad thing. Now Hillsong has the upper hand.
PAUL: See? You’ve gone and made Tim cry.
Are you looking forward to Newcastle?
PAUL: I think you’ve answered your own question.
TIM: My head feels spongey. Like… sponge.
Thanks for your time.
PAUL: Testicles.
TIM: They feel spongey too.
PAUL: Quinoa.
[Tape ends abruptly.]
