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COFFEE CULTURE: Top five things NOT to say to your barista

Given the number of cafés that dot the landscape of this region, it’s pretty much a given that there are a great many of us Novocastrians who rely on our daily caffeine fix to get through the day.

Surely then, it would make perfect sense to keep the hard-working barista at your fave local haunt – that arbiter of your coffee’s quality – as happy as possible, right?

In that spirit, here are five things not to say in order to keep the relationship between you and your barista hunky-dory.

1. Can I have a half-strength decaf latte on soy? Extra hot, thanks.

It’s really just an insult to anyone working in the coffee business so why not just go to McCafe.

The service will probably be quicker because the poor unsuspecting girl in drive-through won’t laugh at you for such a ridiculous order.

2. Do you have any syrup?

Please see tip 1.

But seriously though, if you’re going to add syrup to your coffee why go to a good café? Why not just go to Boost and be done with your King William Chocolate like you know you really want.

3. Do you have enough room for my party of 14 this morning? Oh no we haven’t booked.

Sure this isn’t really barista specific but you catch my drift.

Any great café in Newcastle is going to be packed out, come Saturday morning so don’t even think about thinking about thinking you can just waltz in with a party of 17000 and get seated straight away.

It’s not fair on the workers, or your friends that you swore you always get a table to.

4. I actually roast beans in my backyard and make excellent coffee I am happy to show you some pointers if you like.

I don’t know about you but the one thing anyone who is really great at their job loves to hear is how much better you are at it than them.

What a winning combo really. Even if you do roast the best god damn beans in the world in your backyard, why bother bringing it up now?

5. Hi. Can I have this extra hot, please? But also last time they burnt the milk so maybe like… not?

The amount of times any barista hears this sentence should make all of us shed a tear on their behalf.

Coffee shouldn’t be extra hot. It’s at that temperature for a reason people.

Drink it. And bring your keep-cup. 

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Written by Laura Kebby

I write words about talented people doing talented things, and translate chatter by putting pen to paper.