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BEAK CAREFUL: Unconventional ways to avoid being swooped this magpie season

Magpies, plovers, a myriad of other birds are currently sitting, waiting, and biding their time for the once a year war. They’ve drawn up battle plans, scoped out the area, and they have you in their sights.

So what are you going to do? How will you prepare? What’s your grand battle plan? Because duh… it’s swooping season! Here are our top five unconventional ways of avoiding magpies this swooping season. 

1. It’s all in the eyes

I heard a rumour that magpies are terrified of actually being seen. They think they are pretty inconspicuous little suckers so they try and take you out when you’re not looking. Why not strap some eyes on the back of your helmet.

Or better yet, get one of those soft toys with giant google eyes and wave it at the bird as they attack. Or… you can always blast ‘Hungry Eyes’ whenever you’re ridging or walking past. Winner.

2. Speaking of music

Why not try and lure the birds over to the bright side with some tunes? Maybe all they need is a hobby or an outlet in order to let out all of that pent up aggression. Something bird-related will surely do the trick right? Rockin Robin, The Chicken Dance, Bye Bye Birdie (maybe the wrong impression) but you get my drift.

3. Blend in with the enemy

Maybe start off by sticking to dark neutral colours, just as a slow slide into what will eventually become a full-on costume. You could dress as a tree – very inconspicuous, or why not try and blend in a little further and get all feathered up… literally.

4. Don’t leave your house, ever

Yep, look, sometimes you have to give up the battle to win the war. Maybe sit this season out and come back bigger, better, and stronger next year. 

5. Publicly renounce egg boy

Because surely smashing eggs is a sure-fire way to name an enemy out of any bird. Unless of course we can sit down and discuss the fact that egg boy meant no harm to his feathered friends. Just dickheads. 

Written by Laura Kebby

I write words about talented people doing talented things, and translate chatter by putting pen to paper.