5 ways you can pretend to be a football (soccer) fan this weekend

We’re always accused of being off topic here at Newcastle Live and not “keeping to our lane” as one local journo put it.

We talk too much fashion, we get too political, we don’t know shit about this or crap about that.

But we’re passionate Novocastrians and we totally want tickets to this weekend’s game (seriously, has anyone got any spare tickets?) but in reality, besides our resident Jets fan Linda, we’re all just a bunch of music nerds around here. So when an event like this weekend’s Grand Final rolls around, we’re a little out of our depth.

So here are 5  ways to avoid being outed as a sporting noob in Newcastle this week.

1 – Just say “up the Jets” when someone finishes saying anything about sport

If you’re not into sport all the terminology and rhetoric can be really confusing. To avoid embarrassment, this week, when someone says anything that remotely sounds sports related just confidently nod your head (raise your beer if you’re in a pub) and exclaim “up the Jets”… Works every time.

2 – Mention the “scorpion kick”

In last week’s semi-final one of our Jets players pulled off an amazingly acrobatic kick that resulted in a goal – AND EVERYBODY IS TALKING ABOUT IT.

This one is perfect for those social situations where the sporting conversation has stopped and you’re expected to kick it back off. So when there’s a lull and everyone’s looking to you to kick the convo back off just look to the ground shake your head and say… “How’s that bloody scorpion kick, hey”. You’ll be right for a good 20 minutes with this one.

3 – Say “I Can’t get a ticket so I’m not interested”

We’re surprised how many comments like this we’ve seen online this week. You know the one….

“I wasn’t able to get a ticket to the final, so I’m giving up my Jet’s membership”

I mean, we understand your passion but when our favourite band comes to town and we miss out on tix, we don’t stop listening to their music.

Anyway, this seems to be an acceptable stance to take, so why not use it to your advantage. Shuts the sporting conversation down immediately.

4 – Turn the attention to the after party

If there’s one thing we know it’s how to celebrate. So if you’ve got nothing to say about the actual game turn the conversation to how you’ll celebrate a Jets victory.

Just say something like… “If the Jets win I’m gonna neck 5 beers and do a nudie run up Hunter Street”.

Your friends will either move slowly away from you or start planning how they can join in the fun. It’s a win-win.

5 – Just carry a football (soccer ball) around or wear a jersey everywhere you go

If you’ve got a football under your arm, or have a jersey on, there should be no questions asked. Even if you don’t say anything about The Jets people will just assume you’re a bad arse on the pitch.

If this doesn’t work, just throw the ball at them and run.