My Two Cents: We all want someone to blame

Laura Kebby -

Lifestyle

Have you ever had one of those weeks where it’s almost comical the amount of things that go wrong. You know that point where you just start laughing hysterically in the middle of the street when you drop your keys down the drain and those walking by look on with a mix of both suspicion and pity. See this week alone I lost my wallet, my windscreen was smashed and I was locked out of both my workplace and my house. What a time to be alive as they say. I went through a really cyclic thought process during this time, and I spend a lot of time looking for someone to blame. I think our problems always seem smaller and the weight of them a lot lighter, when we can place blame on someone or something. This process I’ve learned, also takes a lot of energy. A lot of unnecessary energy.

I decided to subconsciously take it out on those around me.
When something goes wrong, the first thing you want to know is whose fault it is, right? And personally I would rather it be my fault, then no ones fault. There’s an avenue for all of that negative energy to travel down, for really as long as your mental state will continue to propel it forward, and when there’s someone to blame, there’s no accountability. When you’re in the midst of that blame cycle though, it’s pretty much impossible to identify. For example I was looking for someone to blame for my windscreen, as though it would make not only make the problem go away, but provide me with some sort of resolution or satisfaction in the process. It didn’t. And when I couldn’t find someone to blame, I decided to subconsciously take it out on those around me. I was of the school of thought that someone or something, had to take the fall for my bad week. This is a really toxic process. And then someone sent me this.

I watch a lot of Ted Talks, and associated discussions for a few reasons. Usually my brain mirrors that of a Twitter feed, constantly on the hunt for information, and won’t let up until I’ve exhausted all possible avenue points and start texting random facts to my mates at 10:30pm, for example; do you know an octopus has three hearts, how crazy is that? But I also really care for the varying perspectives of others.

I decided to share this today because the first step to changing something you don’t like about the way you conduct your business is admitting that there is something going on.



Brené Brown is fairly prominent Social Worker and academic, and has done an enormous amount of research into the psychology of vulnerability, shame and by extension the anatomy of blame. What she talks about in the video, extends far beyond a bad day or a week or a specific incident, it’s transferable to the way we conduct ourselves day to day. There are a million and one circumstances that occur during the day, and we all have an element of control over every single one of them. That element is exactly how we decide to deal with the situation. We can set our minds on continually finding someone to blame, searching for a hollow answer to the problems we face on a daily basis, or we can place our faith in accountability and we can decide to dust ourselves off, and pick right back up where we left off.

I decided to share this today because the first step to changing  something you don’t like about the way you conduct your business is admitting that there is something going on. Hi I’m Laura Kebby and I am a blamer and I’m sharing this because maybe you are too. And that’s ok, I mean we all have flaws, personally I have many. But maybe, just maybe we can all learn how to channel our energy a little better. It is Friday after all.

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