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No strings, just blankets: The Tinder type.

Laura Kebby -

Lifestyle Opinion

It’s 3:00am. And I’ve found myself wide awake staring at the ceiling, convinced that I will most likely not make it until morning. See I don’t get sick all that often, despite the fact that my diet mirrors that of a six year old at a birthday party but, when I do, I go down hard. Which is exactly how I found myself staring at the ceiling wondering what I needed to do, to remove whoever or whatever had decided to crawl inside my brain, wave a whole bunch of glow-sticks around and start a 90’s style rave. I’m a single person, and I’m happy to be this way, for most of the time anyway. But there are some very, very rare occasions where I wish I had someone to wake up in the middle of the night and google the size of the brain tumour that had obviously formed overnight, or at least go and get me some cold and flu meds, the good kind. I can definitely be a bit dramatic, but this time I blame the fever.

We need Tinder for sick people
Anyway, I’m sure that I’m not the only person who goes through that cyclic motion of being perfectly fine being by yourself, until you’re crawled up in the foetal position and sweating it out. I wouldn’t necessarily say I feel lonely at these specific points, but I do feel very alone. Despite the vast difference between the two, depending on how high the fever is, they can definitely merge together, and this is exactly why we need Tinder for sick people. And yes, ok I can see the irony here and I hear your voice already, I’m sure there are a lot of sick people on Tinder, but I’m not here to pass judgement or comment on that particular fact.



I’m talking about swiping right on someone who would be willing to bring me a hot water bottle, some tea, and tell me I’m pretty even when I haven’t had a wink of sleep. This has nothing to do with dating, not in the slightest, nor has it got to do with any sort of companionship. Personally I couldn’t think of anything worse right now. This idea is purely about finding a temporary someone who’s willing to look after us when flu season rolls around. My bio line for example would read – “Lives on the third floor of a dark, old house, in desperate need of an extra blanket. Swipe right if you have access to said blanket”.

My bio line for example would read – “Lives on the third floor of a dark, old house, in desperate need of an extra blanket. Swipe right if you have access to said blanket”.
I have friends who are in the exact same boat. People who are ridiculously strong and independent. People who almost relish in their ‘singledom’. To them, being single is the ultimate sense of security. There is no sense of accountability, and they can go about their day doing whatever it is they choose to do but… when these same people find themselves sitting in the shower for 30 minutes trying to thaw out their bones, things take a different turn. Personally I sit somewhere in the middle.

When we are feeling vulnerable, there’s really no one there to notice, nor is there anyone to really care, and the lines between the want and need for human connection get all blurry, weird, and lost in a mountain of vicks and tissues. I had thought about calling my favourite housemate, (yes I have a favourite, so do parents it’s human nature), and asking for sympathy, purely for sympathy’s sake, but at the last moment I reconsidered. Despite my desperate need to feel better, my pride also got in the way. And this is exactly why we need an accurate system. Something to set those boundaries for when we are feeling vulnerable at 3:00am and our thoughts start to wander towards exactly why we broke up with our ex partner to begin with, and perhaps we should reconsider becau… See, now you’re nodding your head because you’ve been there too. Your hierarchy of needs takes over until suddenly you’re waking up a week later, being punched in the side of the face by the full force of regret.  Don’t do it, it’s a trap. Advice from me to you.

Despite my desperate need to feel better, my pride also got in the way.
So yes, personally I’m all for some sort of system, particularly during flu season. I’d be happy to bring someone a delivery of a hot water bottle and tea, just to know that they would do the same for me. This is the real no strings attached type of relationship millennials are after. Please enquire within.   

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