Didn’t Prepare For The Apocalypse Long Weekend? Here’s A Guide For Next Time

Newcastle Live -

Lifestyle Opinion

Did you head to the shops this weekend and wonder what catastrophic event you missed out on? Did you freak out and buy 12 cans of beans just to be safe? Did you hide your kids, hide your wife, grab the shotgun and wait for the zombie apocalypse to rock up at your front door? Good Friday is pretty much the one day a year (I guess Christmas Day counts too) where nothing is open. Unless you want to endings in a guilt free fillet of fish you’re pretty well out of luck kid. But have no fear here are some red hot tips to prepare you for the next apocalyptic long weekend.

Late night shopping the Thursday before Good Friday is the be all and end all.

Everyone knows the supermarket giants don’t put the good stuff on the shelves until the very last minute. They hide it all out the back and use only the best nightfall crew to sneak it all in under the cover of darkness. Preparing before hand? Nah, sound fake. The one and only time to head to the shops before a long weekend is the Thursday night before the holiday Friday.

Store. Prep. Stay alive.

When you do head to the shops on that fateful day, don’t just plan for the one day the shops are actually closed, you need to prepare for the worst. The worst of the worst in fact. You just never know when you will need 80 years worth of food. Don’t eat canned food you say? Aren’t into hydroponics? Oh don’t worry, when you see the rush at the supermarket you will be. See below for some inspo.

Use a trolley even if you don’t need to.

A pram also works well for this too. Because the day before a holiday weekend, it’s not a trolley, it’s not a pram, it’s a battering ram people. Smash your way through people, piles of stock, chaos, zombies, everything and anything. It’s every single person for themselves.

Invest in a Walkie talkie and be in constant communication.

Tag team, is basically what I’m saying. Don’t ever go to the shopping centre alone, that sounds ridiculous. Zombies, and other doomsday associated things hunt down the isolated and the weak. Children work well for these tasks. Their tiny limbs are great at sneaking below and in-between the aisles to get the best bargains.

Leave all of the last minute gifts to the very very last minute.

This also includes presents for yourself. Had your eye on that giant 80 inch TV from the mysterious middle aisle in Aldi? Today is the day people. Want Easter Eggs? Thursday night is your time to shine. Because, if you leave it till the last minute it only takes a minute.

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